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This week's report by Noah Cicero,
with help from the electric mind of
Bernice Mullins
Was Evil Journalista Hunter S. Thompson?
This sounds pretty fucking wild but we have to remember Hunter
S. Thompson was completely insane. There is sense to doubt it,
but there is enough circumstantial evidence to at least show it,
and perhaps soon enough the truth will come out that Hunter S.
Thompson was a huge fan of the ULA and despised the campy
MFA jerk offs like Moody and Eggers.
First I must tell you who Evil Journalista is, for those of you who
don’t read King Wenclas’s Demi-Puppet blog here at the ULA
website. Evil Journalista was this character that had been posting
comments on the blog and writing emails to King Wenclas and
Jackie Corley for the past several months. Evil Journalista refused
to identify himself, wrote in strange linguistic patterns, and was
pro-ULA.
The first three pieces of evidence presented are going to be Evil
Journalista’s last correspondences with The ULA. An email to
Wenclas, and two comments on The Demi-Puppet Blog.
First the email sent to Wenclas on January 30th. The sentences in
italics are mine showing what Bernice and I think it means.
“Comrade-
Evil Journalista's Inspiration and Christian Name are written into
his cipher.”
We think he is saying here his name can be found out. Cipher
means that there is a code and it can be deciphered.
“He ties it all back, to himself.”
This implies that he hasn’t put the final code out yet that would lead
us to his identity. That there is more to come.
“Whoever plays Evil Journalista has his work cut out for him, this
year.”
Bernice Mullins thinks this conveys that people have played Evil
Journalista before and Evil Journalista will be played by someone
else again. She thinks it refers to the previous movies made from
Thompson’s books and this year someone is going to play
Thompson in the movie Rum Dairies.
“See you in the News!”
The only thing we could come up with there is that if it was
Thompson he was implying The ULA and he would be in the news
together. And that all the Thompson fans would start buying ULA
books and all the ULAers would then be able to afford jet skis, dirt
bikes, cement pools, and Oprah will have Wenclas and Kostecke on
her show to talk about Tom Bissel being a plagiarizing fuck ass.
Evil Journalista’s second to last comment on February 17, 2005, he
says something strange, “Like General Custard, he will make his
Last Stand, at Battle of Demi-BigHorn.” If that was Thompson he
was saying he would write his last words on the ULA blog. And
through that declare that is the only respectable institution in
America Lit & Letters currently, that The ULA is the only group
with ethics and compassion unlike every other group in America
which sucks and sells their souls to the coporate Devil Gods for
backcover blurbs and lobster sandwiches. That they are all
“swine” as Thomspon would say.
Evil Journalista’s last comment on the Demi-Puppet blog which
was at 10:14pm Mountain time: Wenclas posted on the blog at
8:52am Mountain Time Saturday the 19th. This is the comment:
Rest in Peace, Orion.
Love,
Evil Journalista
This is obviously a comment on Thompson’s death. Orion is
commonly called The Great Hunter.
The earliest news report of Thompson’s suicide was at 10:49pm
Mountain time which was at CNN.com. Therefore it was impossible
for anyone not living in The Pacific Time Zone to respond before
10:49 except if you were Hunter S. Thompson. And for Evil
Journalista to do it he would have to live in the Pacific Time Zone,
see the news, be Evil Journalista and then respond in twenty-five
minutes.
Which implies it would have been very hard for anyone to post on
Thompson’s death except Thompson: that post (which I think it
was) could have been posted on Saturday night which I do think I
saw but I cannot say it for sure. Ms. Mullins says she remembers
me saying that Evil Journalista wrote something again and it is
really weird in the middle of Saturday night or during the day
Sunday. If it was posted on Satuday night it is a closed case. It was
Thompson being weird as fuck till the very end. Thompson loved
weirdness, do you think he would have really would have kill
himself without setting up some weird scheme to enhance his
legend? Of course he wouldn’t, he was Hunter S. Thompson,
“it never got weird enough for him.”
If it was Thompson and it was posted Saturday night it makes
sense he used Orion because whoever looked at it before his
death would just be puzzled by what he wrote and just thought
Evil Journalista had lost his mind.
Two strange things about the last post: it is short and not in the
strange linguistic patterns that Evil Journalista wrote in and it is
written at night which is odd for Evil Journalista because he only
wrote during the day.
Other evidence:
‘Evil’ was a commonly used adjective by Thompson. If you put
Hunter S. Thompson and the word evil into google several pages
pop up where he uses the word ‘evil’ as an adjective. And he was
always called “The Outlaw Journalist.” “Evil” is pretty close to
“Outlaw” if you ask me.
Evil Journalista was obsessed with mainstream politics.
He mentions sports four times, football three of those times. He
also mentioned Ken Caminiti who died of a drug overdose.
Poltics, sports, and literature are the things Thompson loved most
and always talked about in his books.
He constantly says he lives in the Middle-West. Thompson lived in
the Colorado Rockies.
He uses the phrase, “Pig-dog-swine.” That sounds like something
Thompson would say.
This quote seems strange, “Evil Journalista wish very much to
talk with Ginsberg, ask question. Instead, he ask Wenclas, on
Demi-Puppet.” It conveys that Evil Journalista knew Allen
Gingsberg which Thompson did. He mentions Dylan in the post,
a person he constantly mentioned in his books.
One of the strangest things Evil Journalista wrote about was a Carl
Sandburg poem, he quotes the poem, “Hunt...ing...ton sleep in
house 6 feet long. Hunt...ing...ton dream of rail....roads." The poem
is about a person named Huntington that is a rich man who dies
and sleeps in a coffin just like poor men. Obviously I’m implying
that Huntington is a variation of Hunter and that he knew he was
going to be dead soon. Which was true because his wife Anita said
he has been talking about suicide for months before he did it.
A little while ago Evil Journalista wanted to do an interview with
Wenclas. Wenclas said he would not because he would identify
himself. Evil Journalista wrote this back, “It has occurred to Evil
Journalista that interview of this U-L-A would present a conflict of
interest.” Perhaps referring to how he was still paid and respected
by the Conglomerate Devil God Media and did not want to start
shit with them in their final days. And he wrote, “In his younger
days, this action would have filled Evil Journalista with bitterness
and inspired him to extinguish his old comrade's bloodline.”
Perhaps referring to his younger days when he attacked
vehemently so many asshole politicians like Nixon and Muskie.
The question is why would Hunter S. Thompson would write on
the Demi-Puppet blog? The answer is obvious if you have half a
turd for a brain. He would have seen the outlaw qualities of the
writers. He would have seen that we of the ULA are a true literary
movement, which is packed with geniuses and contains the future
of writing within it and is not a bullshit circle jerk full of filler
campy political views to get attention.
He most likely had a kindred feeling with The ULA; he knew the
beatniks and the leaders of the civil rights and the anti-war
movement. He profoundly loved movements and the people
involved in them. He knew we have big powerful balls and we
don’t take no shit from people like Franzen and Lapham. Huey
Newton and Abbie Hoffman didn’t take no shit, and neither does
The ULA. He saw The ULA refuses to learn their place and when
people refuse to learn their place that is when true change takes
place.
It is known he was close with George Plimpton and perhaps
wanted to express before he died that The Paris Review had
turned into shit, that Rick Moody and the rest of them weren’t
worth a fuck to the past heroes of American literature and that The
ULA gang was. And he knew we would decipher his code and alert
the media and the academic literary world would find out that
Thompson thought they were sick little snobby bitches that
needed to be castrated and put in stocks for the working class
people of America to laugh at and throw eggs at their bourgeois
faces.
To tell you the truth, I don’t know if Evil Journalista was
Thompson. Ms. Mullins and I have read many books and are
writers and have over-active imaginations. This was just to show
that the Evil Journalista comments and emails had a lot in
common with Thompson’s writing and his suicide. But the truth is,
no matter what, the ULA is coming to a store near you and it is
going to be like an elephant entering a Taco Bell bathroom, shit is
gonna get broke! And Evil Journalista if you are out there please
notify us with an email so we can take this Monday Report down
and then I can kick your face in for being a Hunter S. Thompson
wannabe and wasting my time.
As Thompson said, “When going gets weird, the weird turn pro.” I
sure as hell turned pro for this Monday Report.
GO HERE TO ENTER THE MONDAY REPORT BOX.