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current Monday
Report below!
This week's report by Tim Hall, ULA
You Shall Know Our Persecution Complex!
[Note: This was originally going to be Part II of "How Not To Become Famous," about
the fall of foetry.com, but Alan Cordle has since grown a pair, so it's no longer
necessary. Welcome back, Alan.]
(In keeping with the current trend of famous writers, anonymous cowards,
and assorted freaks attacking the ULA while attempting to co-opt and
distort our arguments - without attribution or actually allowing us to
respond - this Monday Report is presented as a series of blind items, with
names removed. The intrepid reader can do his or her own detective work.)
In a recent interview for an online magazine, one famous writer said that
people who criticize his pet magazine project are literally "crazy" and
then, declining to name anybody in particular, claimed that his critics are
"like the military trying to crush a peace movement." Of course, the
famous writer doesn't acknowledge that he was the one caught making
false, psychotic accusations against his critics anonymously on Amazon.
com - I mean, why let little things like "disclosure," "context," or "truth"
worry you? Those are luxuries the persecuted cannot afford.
Even the interviewer for the online magazine, a real mouth-breather, gets
into the persecution act - at one point imagining himself in a big
overstuffed chair next to the famous writer in front of a roaring fire - and
being wildly attacked for it! The lust for self-victimization is so great that
it's enough for some people simply to imagine the possibility.
Sycophantic projections masquerading as paranoid ideation. Who's this
guy's fucking editor?
I hadn't finished laughing at the online article when lo, along came the
new issue of the famous writer's magazine, where another famous writer
was found wallowing in his own militaristic persecution fantasies: why, oh
why, he wonders, would anybody care about the grants and awards he's
been molesting for years, instead of focusing on . . . are you ready for
this?...wait for it...9/11 and the war in Iraq!
PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN. Giving
need-based grants to my wealthy friends? Look over there! It's 9/11!
So what if I stick my hand down the pants of a book award or two and
give it a jiggle? Look! Iraq!
And they say we're the crazy ones.
Oh wait. No they don't. Not exactly. It's all wink wink nudge nudge with
this crowd. They think they can win an argument without arguing, by
dismissing their critics collectively as "crazy" and deflecting criticism
through half-truths, omissions, and wild exaggerations. The worst kind of
beggars, they shuffle down the aisles of various media outlets, shaking
their cups while pleading their tales of woe. One after another they've
done it, excusing their own lies, plagiarism, cronyism - all of this bullshit
lapped up by starstruck and collusive editors.
Meanwhile, according to a popular literary weblog, yet another famous
writer has been appropriating the Holocaust for his own postmodern
literary trickery, while trashing the good name of a dead writer in order to
make the lie appear true.
What do his defenders say? Why, he's being persecuted, of course.
……………………………………………………………………………………….
Tim Hall is a writer living in Jersey City, NJ.
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